Today, I will not talk about anything I made, am going to make, or want you to make. Instead, I have something very important to get off my chest.
The senior class of 2013 has a lot of special, amazing people that, in a way, saved me. When I came to join high school, I was a sorry piece of insecure meat chewed and spit out by Junior High. I'm sure many of you know the feeling. This group of people, rather than teasing us (my class) for being newbies, welcomed us with open, loving arms. Freshman year was an incredibly happy year for me. I was a changed person: confident, always smiling, happy, kind, you name it. Not that I wasn't already, it's just that I
felt it more, like it was flowing inside of me. They taught me that sometimes, a person can look arrogant, but when you get to know them, it's not that but confidence, hard-work, and spirit.
Well, they're graduating now, and I've been quite emotional lately. Close to tears about the smallest of things, and full-blown sobs over slightly bigger things (that were still pretty small). I've been stressed outta my gourd (weird saying I got from my dad), and worried I won't get to tell them everything that needs to be told, and making sure I can still keep in contact so I don't lose them. When I cry for silly reasons, I feel guilty and foolish, and I hate that feeling, so I cry harder, and the more often I cry, the more often I feel like rabbit droppings all the time.
So when I realized that I wasn't going to make curfew tonight during Maypole, I texted and called both my dad and my step-mom about it. They weren't happy. Perhaps I did the wrong thing, but at least that's what I thought was the right thing to do at the time. So I came home, and they gave me "the benefit of the doubt" after quite a bit of added suspense, stress, and drama (which was a bit exaggerated as it was perceived through my overly-emotional state). That extra suspense broke me.
I know this is totally ridiculous and unrelated, but it made me feel like garbage. I was thinking, "I've got straight As, honors classes, I'm on leadership team, second chair, blah blah blah.... and somehow I will never be good enough!" As I said, preposterous! What does that have to do with curfew? Who knows. Fact is, I broke it, and that's that. Well, they heard me ranting to outer space, so they came out mad and told me what garbage I was babbling. Thankfully, they still let it slide, but were even more peeved at me. Then I felt bashful, foolish, and stupid, and I just couldn't take it. I cried under a pile of blankets thinking, "I am so sick of feeling like rabbit droppings!" (because, as you know, I'd been crying a lot lately)
So then I took a look back at the last few hours. I just watched some of the people I admire most take a big step in their lives, had fun, talked to people I loved, finished school for the year, then went home and sobbed because I was late and my parents were peeved. Pathetic, that last part was (yay, Yoda!). I realized that I have the power to change the fact that I feel like cow pie. I know I am not one. Yes, sometimes people will be mad at you, and of course, we all screw up, but that doesn't define us. You can mourn over what little there is left of that water in the glass, or you can celebrate the water still left. You can reminisce when you mess something up, or you can acknowledge your fail, learn from it, and keep building. Everything in life is either a blessing, or a lesson. Take advantage and learn, and
never let your spirit waver. Don't do what I did and beat yourself up about it. Embrace the you, because you are awesome!
That is the attitude the 2013 graduated taught me. For a moment, I had forgotten it. However, I simply cannot throw away one of the most important lessons in growing up for
any reason. Thank you, 2013 grads, and thank
you for letting me share my re-epiphany with you.
Be brave (and confident)!
Ari
